Microwave - and other forms of electromagnetic - radiation are major (but conveniently disregarded, ignored, and overlooked) factors in many modern unexplained disease states. Insomnia, anxiety, vision problems, swollen lymph, headaches, extreme thirst, night sweats, fatigue, memory and concentration problems, muscle pain, weakened immunity, allergies, heart problems, and intestinal disturbances are all symptoms found in a disease process the Russians described in the 70's as Microwave Sickness.
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1. You sometimes forget that there's a world outside of you and your baby.
Luckily, everybody around you seems to be coupling up as well.
2. You never find yourself tempted by outside flirtation
He only has eyes for Siri.
3. You still feel swept away by the romance and passion of it all.
These young urbanites, in the heights of romance.
4. You and your smartphone like to get together with other couples, but you never end up talking to anyone else.
You know people who start dating and forget how to talk to other people?
5. Whenever you're in a crowd, you feel like your iPhone's the only other thing in the room.
And other people around you just distract you from all the interesting things your phone has to say.
You try to be cordial, though.
6. Sometimes you have to find ways to hide your relationship from people who wouldn't understand.
That's some valedictorian level texting technique.
7. You love your iPhone even more when you realize it's good with kids.
And it never runs out of bedtime stories.
8. It's tricky, but you've finally figured out how to incorporate your device into your other relationships.
Now, you and your smartphone can enjoy peace, quiet and togetherness after a long day of work. (Your husband can sit next to you and do the same.)
9. Your family can't judge you, because they're also smitten!
They've done everything to make your iPhone feel like part of the family!
10. And even the presidential family has expressed support for your kind of relationship.
The First Family acts as a role model of how to forge healthy, lasting relationships with one's mobile device.
11. Politicians are sometimes known to sneak around with smartphones when they should be doing their work...
LOL! Fiscal cliff? Whateva, girl! ;)
12. And glamorous celebrities fly their smartphones to chic high fashion shows.
Fashion critics appreciated the futuristic curved edges and easy usability of the - uh, outfit.
13. While you make sure to take yours along for a museum day.
Look how the two of them framed it with a white background. Bold choice!
14. You realize daily how much there is left for you to discover about each other.
Siri's very articulate -- the kind of girl you want to bring home to mom.
15. You always want to sit as close as possible to your iPhone.
Sometimes, your iPhone finds your staring a little bit -- intense.
16. You never want to fall asleep alone.
Of course, no romance is complete without the occasional awkward injury:
17. And if you still question your bond with your smartphone, just remember you've reached the point where you can poop in front of it.
The honeymoon phase is over -- but constant companionship is way more meaningful to you in the long run!
At the end of the day, who needs eye contact when you have Candy Crush! Three cheers for virtual reality.